I was recently asked to speak to a 19-year-old, fast approaching 20, who is uncertain about her future—specifically, she doesn’t know what career choice to make. Her mother approached me, saying, “She doesn’t listen to me, but you’ve been there.” It’s true; I’ve been there. I also had no idea what I wanted to do for the majority of my twenties. I’m also aware that while I’m enjoying what I’m doing now, that could all change. However, that’s a story for another blog.
The Pressure of Choosing a Career
It seems that one of the key ways we, as people, transition from adolescence is by picking and pursuing a career. This is easier for some than others. What would I say to someone struggling to make this choice?
Reflections from My Own Experience
Here are a few of my thoughts as a teen who, at one point, didn’t know what to do.
Although it really feels like it, your job or career choice is not everything. Choosing a career is unavoidable, but your career choice will likely change, and you’ll probably undertake multiple different roles within a specific field. Before you yell back, “What field though?” let’s delve a little deeper. I think when I was 19, I used the idea of the perfect job as a means to quell the anxiety I was feeling about all the changes that were happening—and boy, there were a lot! School’s done; that was twelve years of your life! Friendships change, and the way people speak to you starts to be different—that’s not to mention the new whirlwind of competition and comparison regarding where and what people are doing. Now, the type of career path you choose can make some things easier and more enjoyable. Choosing accounting, while that was your worst subject at school, will very likely increase stress, and getting to learn about something that you enjoy most will make things easier.
It, however, will NOT make you feel safe and like everything is all of a sudden okay again, that you have an unmistakable purpose that is going to change the world, and you’ll never be sad or anxious again. Asking all that of a career choice is likely going to make any decision impossible.
Embracing the Uncertainty
So, here’s the hard news: that anxiety you feel about whether you’ll be good enough or whether you’ve got what it takes? That’s normal. These feelings may be with you for a little while as you try your hand at a few different things or even after you make a decision. Although it’s not pleasant, it is normal, and you are not alone.
Conversations Beyond Careers
Here’s another tip: don’t let every conversation with a friend or loved one, especially when you feel anxious, go straight to the career question. Instead, maybe talk just about the emotions you are feeling or the concerns you have. This approach can help alleviate some of the pressure associated with career decisions.
The Weight of the Decision
Here’s another thing I’d like to share with you—this is not the most important decision you’ll ever make. Just to be clear, I said IS NOT. I believe that decisions largely get more important as we get older, and thank goodness for that! You’ll have more experience then and know more about yourself. This is just your first big decision, so it makes sense that it’s tricky for right now.
The Non-Linear Path
Picking a career is not like baking or following a recipe where exact measurements are required, and following a step-by-step process is demanded for success. Life isn’t that simple; you’ll make some mistakes and some changes. Here’s a secret—looking back, you’ll be grateful for the mistakes and changes because all of those will contribute in a meaningful way to who you are and what you are doing.
Reflecting on Past Challenges
I’ve avoided hard and fast advice, but here’s an activity. Instead of looking forward, perhaps we should look back for a moment to any time you took a chance or big step into something that scared you. I wonder:
-
What emotions were you feeling then?
-
What about that experience was positive?
-
Was there anything that was difficult? How did you navigate that?
-
How did it all turn out in the end?
-
When you think back on this achievement, how do you feel in your body?
What’s the point of an activity like this, you ask? Well, I wonder if the answer you are looking for may not be in you stumbling across the right career choice or any sort of perfect decision that will set you up to never make another decision again and be guaranteed success.
Instead, I’d like to remind you that you can do hard things—you already have. You have persevered and succeeded and failed and learned from mistakes. The abilities you already have to gain support and to keep moving forward are far more important than any perfect choice.
