Adolescence is a period marked by heightened self-awareness, powerful emotions, and a deeper understanding of others’ thoughts and feelings. Teens strive to discover their identities beyond family ties, seeking assurance that they can navigate the world independently. A crucial factor in this developmental stage is their ability to connect and belong with their peers.
The Origin of the Term ‘Teenager’
Have you ever wondered where the term ‘teenager’ comes from? The answer may surprise you. The term ‘teenager’ is derived from the suffix ‘-teen’ in the numbers 13 to 19, representing ages thirteen to nineteen. However, the concept of the teenager as a distinct demographic emerged in the 20th century, particularly in the 1920s, when adolescents began exhibiting behaviours and attitudes distinct from children and adults.
The Impact of Marketing on Teenage Identity
Today, teenagers are among the most aggressively marketed-to groups, especially considering the pervasive use of social media. This is not a critique of social media per se, but a reminder that adolescents receive an almost constant barrage of advertisements.
Marketing has increasingly encroached upon the realm of identity. We no longer have mere shoe companies; we have lifestyle brands. A torch is not marketed by highlighting its features. Instead, a torch advert may show an attractive person unzipping a tent in an incredible part of the world, with a content partner beside them, gazing at an otherworldly view. At the last moment, the advert shows them switching on the torch and laughing happily, implying that this torch is the gateway to an adventurous life with a loved one in a beautiful place.
This, of course, is ridiculous. But while sitting in your room, scrolling through your phone, such an advert can inspire you but also make you feel inadequate—lacking a real sense of adventure. As you keep scrolling, you may see a picture of a friend on a recent vacation or with their partner, reinforcing the message that you are lacking in this area, and you don’t even own a torch! Moreover, the stream of adverts and comparisons not only create a sense of deficit that companies find incredibly profitable but also make you long for a lifestyle or sense of belonging without offering the slightest hint on how to achieve it. Here’s a secret: they really don’t want you to achieve much; that’s not very profitable.
The Challenge of Genuine Rest
To drive home this point, have you ever tried to truly rest? To take a day off and just recharge or do nothing? It’s not that easy, is it? Ancient wisdom seemed to realise this; did you know there are 39 laws or forbidden activities on the Sabbath? We needed 39 rules to be able to take a single day off and not do anything.
The Illusion of Happiness in Marketing
Considering this, is it possible that the signs that say, ‘be happy!’ or the short clips we are exposed to of very happy people doing amazing things are not turning us into happy people but are making us feel like we are lacking something that we have not been prepared to or know how to fill? The same way the photo of a friend on holiday, although well-meaning, does not include the anxious planning, arguments over whether all those bags are necessary, and the nagging feeling that the other Airbnb may have been nicer after all. This is all to say that teens, who are wired to try and connect and develop a capable view of themselves, are receiving a barrage of information that may make them feel really disconnected.
Sharing Authentic Stories with Teens
I worry that the stories parents or caregivers tell about the jobs, sports, and activities they did when they were their teen’s age do not inspire but resemble ads or set a standard the teen may not know how to reach.
I wonder instead about the power these stories could have for connection when we share them with feelings intact. Were you ever worried you wouldn’t make a sports team? Did you ever wish there had been something else you were doing instead of working? Was it ever difficult to go to work? Did you ever worry about missing out? Did your boss ever make you feel anxious?
Stories with feelings intact make connection easier and offer the powerful lesson that even though you may feel anxious, angry, or sad, you are not alone, which, as I’ve said already, is so important for adolescents and for all of us, really. As we start to see that we can be accepted and connect with our feelings intact, and not only when we reach a standard that, although we see little to no one actually experiencing.
